Feelings
by xtapx
Summary: But he can't help the way that he feels, and he thought that if anyone, Bella would understand more than anyone else. Blackwater-ish. Excerpt from 'The Woe's and What Not's of Dating'.


**Disclaimer: **I think this goes without saying, but just in case I don't own anything you may recognize.

This is another excerpt from _The Woe's and What Not's of Dating, _this doesn't really take place during a certain time, except the flashback, which takes place during Chapter 11; Sam Uley. But you know the drill if you haven't read TWWND chances are you'll be lost.

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They don't say anything to one another, he knows she wants to say something, something that will make everything better. She does, Bella knows that she's hurt Jacob more times than any one should ever be hurt, and deep down a part of her still hates herself for that, but it doesn't stop the anger that has been building up inside of her since Renesmee happily showed her what she was thinking.

"I don't want my daughter around her." Bella snaps.

Jacob just rolls his eyes.

"Who exactly are you talking about Bella?" He hisses, "My _sister_? Or _Leah_? Because I trust both with my life, and I know that they would never do anything to hurt Nessie, no matter _who_ her family is."

Jacob knows that he's hitting low, but he can't help it, the simple fact that Bella would even consider the fact that Leah or Rachel would ever—it pisses him off to the point where he doesn't even want to think about it or else he would phase without a second thought.

"She's only three Jacob!" Bella yells.

"I know that." Jacob snaps back. He's pissed and he doesn't care if Bella can tell. He hopes that she can.

But she doesn't pay any attention to Jacob's frustration, because her own frustration is using up her entire vampire brain.

"Nessie _needs_ friends, she needs human contact." He counters.

"But not them!"

The stops Jacob in his tracks. It feels like she just punched him in the gut. He doesn't believe that, that really just came out of Bella's mouth. The only thing he wants to understand is how she could actually say that.

The look on Jacob's face makes Bella realize what she has just said and she quickly tries to apologize, but Jacob won't hear it, and just as quick Bella's temper has risen.

"Jake!"

"No Bella." He snaps back.

"I'm sorry, it just happened! It won't—Jake I'm sorry!" She pleads.

"It just happened," He huffs, "and what, it won't happen again?" This time he snorts.

"Stop lying Bella." He turns to walk away, but Bella says something that makes him do a complete turn.

"This isn't how it's supposed to happen Jacob!" Bella's voice jumps up 3 octaves and sends shivers down Jacob's spine. You would think after three years of this _new _Bella, he'd be used to it.

But he's not.

When he thinks of Bella he doesn't think of this _vampire_ in front of him, he thinks of the clumsy, brown eyed girl who he spent hours with in his tiny shed while he talked her ear off about nothing in particular, but just something that would calm his nerves while he worked to perfect the scrap metal she called motorcycles.

But the person in front of him isn't that same girl any more, she is anything but clumsy, her eyes are no longer that shade of chocolate brown he remembers them to be, and he can't even imagine being anything remotely close to nervous around her.

But she's still Bella.

At least he likes to think that a part of her is still Bella somewhere deep down inside. He used to believe that the part of her that he was in love with, the same part of her that he knows was in love with him as well, transferred over to Nessie. But Nessie isn't Bella no matter what fate seems to think.

It's not like he thinks about this, _anymore_. The fact that the part of him that was in love with Bella, that wanted her so badly he would stoop to trickery and blackmailing, he doesn't like to think about that any more.

Since _that_ day, it was never Bella any more, it was always Nessie. It's not that he really has a problem with it, because he loves Nessie, and he knows that she loves him, and he would do anything he possibly could till his dying breath to make sure she was happy and safe. But somehow lately, the sheer thought of it going anywhere beyond that, well it revolted him.

He tried to think that it was because it wasn't what _she _wanted, but he knew that she loved him so it wasn't so bad. But just the fact that Quil could see a future with Claire that was enough to scare Jacob to no end.

He remembers a time, before imprinting, when he asked Quil why he didn't date, just why in general, he wants to say that was when he was naïve and young, but he knows better, in his twenty years he's had the world on his shoulders, and knows that he can't claim to not know any better, because at fourteen he became a man responsible for someone else.

But it was because Quil didn't see the other girls, he didn't see their faces, Jacob remembers that time, when the only face he could see was Bella's, when he used to dream about her picking him over Edward, when she would drive down to La Push and tell him that she loved him, that she wanted to be with him, but that's not the case anymore, he doesn't see Bella's face, it's someone else's, like then he can only see's one person's face now, but like then it's the face of someone he shouldn't be seeing.

"UGH! JACOB BLACK!" Bella screams, grabbing a hold of him. And he's not sure if it's the smell, or if it's the feeling of ice on his burning skin, but he snaps out of it and recoils back standing in his defensive position.

Bella's expression is anything but comical. She looks hurt, and a part of him hates that look on her face, because even after the vampire perfections underneath she's still Bella, she is still his best friend.

"Sorry Bells." He says apologetically. He knows that she's hurt, but so is he, but he also knows that she'll get over it.

But she's mad, and usually he would make a stupid joke and get to laugh, but today he's not really in the mood, and even if he was she has this look on her face that tells him that she'd nag him into an early grave.

"You weren't listening." She snaps at him, but her tone is playful so he's not really sure if that actually means anything.

But then again anything with a spiteful retort usually means playful in his book. He could thank Leah Clearwater for that.

But then again Leah Clearwater was the whole reason Bella had that look on his face.

Jacob groaned internally; _women._

"Jake." Bella says softly, and her tone is back to normal, normal-_ish_.

"Jake, listen," she starts, but Jacob doesn't want to hear it any more.

This isn't the first time they've fought, and he knows that this won't be the last, but he's had it with her condescending tone, and the way that she always has to try to make him feel better. He isn't sixteen any more. He's learned the hard way that you don't always get what you want no matter how hard you try or how hard you wish.

But he can't help the way that he feels, and he thought that if anyone, Bella would understand more than anyone else. But then again he thought that she would understand when he told her he'd imprinted on Nessie, but she just ending up attacking him and breaking Seth's shoulder.

Jacob sighs, this time it's out loud, and he finds that Bella's stopped mid-sentence. Apparently she hadn't noticed that he wasn't paying attention.

"I just want to know that you're happy." She says smiling shyly in a very un-vampire like way.

Jacob knows that this is the truth, because she's his best friend. But the way her smile doesn't reach her eyes makes him know that she wants to say something else on the subject but she's stopping herself, because she's remembering the first time she voiced her opinions.

**Flashback**

_"Jacob?"_

_"Jake? You alright?" Bella asks. Her hands are in front of his face, so he guesses that he must have been spacing out._

_"Oh, yeah Bells, I'm fine." He tells her laughing. He wasn't sure if it's because her smell isn't as bad as it once was, or maybe it's because he's just gotten used to it._

_"Are you thinking about Leah again?" _

_Jacob looks up at her and nods. He remembers when Leah first left, Seth had been broken hearted, and of course told his dearly beloved Edward, and he in turn told Bella who in turn got all weird and tried to be this emotional person Jacob knew she wasn't._

_Apparently he'd get this look on his face whenever he was thinking about Leah, and Bella would always be the one to call him out on it._

_"It's been three months." He tells her exhausted. "I think she's in Canada, but she barely talks to anyone anymore. She's gotten to much better at hiding her thoughts, and god it's so frustrating!" Jacob say frustrated and pounding the patio furniture._

_He knows that it's gonna leave a mark._

_"Jake," Bella says softly and it's sort of the same soothing way Jacob remembers Billy comforting Sue when Harry died. But he's still not used to her high musical voice, so it has a different effect on me. This vampire in front of him was once not only his best friend, but the girl he would've done anything for. He remembers that, and it's sometimes hard for him to distinguish between Bella __Swan__ and Bella __Cullen__. _

_A part of him goes rigid, and he leans away from her._

_But she catches his attention with her next sentence, "Leah's going to be fine. If anything I'd be worried about the people in Canada."_

_"I know," Jacob tells her smiling a little, and imagining Leah terrorizing anyone or anything in her way, "But she's still a part of my pack, she's my second in command, and she won't let me hit Sam." He says angrily letting out a growl as he says __his__ name._

_"I thought things with Sam were better now..." She wonders out loud. _

_"They are, between the packs, it's just—he's such a damn coward! It's his fault she's gone. He shouldn't have kissed her!" Jacob says with such bitterness._

_Bella takes a sharp breath in, and Jacob turns to look at her. It worries him, she doesn't need to breathe any more. She has this look on her face like she's in pain remembering something and he realizes what he just said. He knows that he could take it back. _

_But something inside him won't. _

_He knows that the situation sucks, but it's the one we were in. And he can't take it back now that she's reacted to it, and he knows that deep down he doesn't want to._

_Obviously Bella and Jacob know that they still have some unresolved issues. _

_"I'm sure he had his reasons…"She mumbles shortly, and he turns to glare at her._

_"Bella." Jacob says taking slow easy breaths, because unlike her he still needs to breathe. "No. Don't you dare defend him."_

_"He was going to marry someone else, but yet he still kissed her, made her feel things she didn't want to."_

_"Jake—"_

_"They don't get a magical fix it like we did Bella. Sam and Emily won't have a son that Leah will __imprint__ on. That's not how it works." Jacob tells her bitterly._

_And he knows that he's hit a nerve, and at least Bella has the good sense to look ashamed. _

_But he doesn't think much about it anymore. He can't seem to look at her any more without remembering the broken brown-eyed girl who used to do her homework with him in his old garage. _

_So instead Jacob gets up and walks into her house, mumbling something about finding __Renesmee, __leaving a speechless Bella to remember that time when she was still that fragile human and Jacob Black was the boy fixing the hole in her heart._

**End Flashback**

But Bella's vampire brain makes it easy for her to remember things like that. And although she knows that that memory doesn't have anything to do with what's going on now, she likes to believe that she knows things about Jacob Black, she knows how passionate he is, and how he will go to the ends of the earth for someone he cares about.

She remembers a time when she wished desperately when Jacob was her brother, so she could love him without that feeling in the pit of her stomach, and now she finally has that. He was here, and he was moving on and it scared her. She didn't know why, she had everything she could ever ask for, but still she had that feeling in the pit of her stomach every since that day.

She knew that they never brought up the past. That they've never talked about before. She knows Jacob is a live-in-the-now-guy, he's always been that way, but even now with her heart's desire she can't help but hold on to the memories of her human life.

What she remembers most about her life is Edward, she'd never want to forget any of the time they spent together, but she also remembers Jacob, how easy it was with him, how he was_ her_ Jacob, her sun, how in a world without vampires, without Edward Cullen, she wouldn't have been Bella Cullen, she would've been Bella Black.

She doesn't understand why she keeps having these feelings, because she knows that she doesn't have those feelings for Jacob any more, and Jacob has imprinted, on _her_ daughter, the one person in the world she could never hate.

But she knows who she can hate, and she holds on to that. She can hate Leah Clearwater, she can hate her for all eternity, because she has no obligation to her, she is not her family, not really, and she knows that Leah has no problem hating her right back, and she thinks that dignifies her feelings.

But she knows that's not the case, because Leah has every right to hate her, but Bella has only one reason, and he's sitting in front of her with a dreamy look of content.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks him.

Jacob blushes a little, then response simply, "The future."

She doesn't know what comes over her, but she hates look of content that is on his face.

The way he says it and the red on his cheeks lets her know that he wasn't thinking about Renesmee, or even about her.

But she loves her best friend and is tired of fighting today, because this is a never ending fight, so instead of ruining one of the five yearly rainless days Forks has, she sits and she finally comes to terms with why she said what she's been feeling, and the reason she hated the look that was present on Jacob's face; she was jealous.

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A/N: I have no idea where this came from. I just saw New Moon and was inspired. Ravenwhitlock33 requested this OS of Jake and Bella fighting, and it turned into this. Please let me know what you thought. Oh and Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful for all of my wonderful readers and reviewers. Have a great holiday!


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